Ego Influence in Disconnect
One weekend, I invested in two amazing days learning and reminding myself of new and "known" practices of living a life of truth, authenticity, health, and wellness.
I was both mentally and physically exhausted, yet completely inspired and motivated to take on further steps in my journey of personal growth and empowerment.
A Personal Experience of Ego and Disconnection
During this experience, I encountered a personal moment that I wish to share, believing that through my vulnerability, some of you may learn and grow in your own journeys. My experiences and opportunities are as much for me as for you, because as I learn and grow, I am lovingly able to support and nurture you through your growth.
I was about to speak in answer to a question—not as a facilitator of the weekend, but as a participant—and my conscious response became unconscious and disconnected. As I was about to start speaking, the ego took over through the emergence of the Imposter Syndrome many of us experience, creating doubt about my "capacity" to assist and contribute any more value to what the beautiful souls speaking already had. This was very unexpected, as I am quite comfortable speaking to groups, and I was therefore unprepared. So, as I was opening my mouth to step into my heart space and share my response, my ego shut me down, and I started an internal dialogue with myself. In doing so, I became disconnected from myself, my truth, and my consciousness. I have no idea what actually came out of my mouth, but I know it was not what and how I wished to say what I wanted to say, completely opposite to who and what I wish to be, and totally validating and fueling my ego's beliefs about the lack of value of my knowledge.
Recognizing and Honoring Personal Awareness
What I actually wanted to honor here today is the response that I wanted to give, and to highlight, through my own vulnerabilities and my own learnings, the power of our mind and how that saying, "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are correct," is 100% true. I stepped into the fear and doubt and misalignment with self, resulting in the exact opposite of who and what I wish to be.
In recognizing anything within yourself that no longer resonates and you wish to change, that is where you start; where you give yourself permission to step into that space and honor yourself for this acknowledgment, for this awareness that you are not where you want to be. For this hurt, pain, or discomfort you are experiencing. Step into that space from a place of love, with honor and respect for self; and just know that any step forward from here is growth. There is no right or wrong. There are no "shoulds" and "musts." People are different. From a place of love, embrace who and what you are, what you are doing to achieve what you want to and need to achieve. We don't have to do anything, but obviously there are consequences, and as parents, we feel the pressures, the "musts" of responsible adulting such as working to pay bills, put a roof over our children's heads, and food on the table. As single mothers, this "masculine" energy falls to us to do it all. Embracing it, and acknowledging that there is going to potentially be a strong contrast between the masculine and feminine and who you want to be and where you are, know that there is so much growth and opportunity in the journey of making choices. Knowing what small changes you can make to embrace the feminine, while accepting and allowing for the fact that you have to step into your masculine in some capacity in certain circumstances. It's that conscious awareness that brings us back into alignment and balance as we move through the different situations and circumstances.
The Ego as a Barrier to Success
This whole concept around loving and valuing self, according to your values and being aware of the different situations matching and aligning with your values, is key.
The ego is one major barrier to any of us succeeding at anything in life. The presence of our ego is not the heightened view of ourselves that we might hold, but rather the "inner voice" in our mind, separating our hearts from the universe, instilling fear and doubt into our mind. The voice of distinct fear and doubt keeps us disconnected from our truth and prevents us from trusting and being.
When we start questioning who we are and where we are at, rather than becoming overwhelmed, self-judging, and critical (note to self), allow yourself, give yourself permission to step into that space of love, of knowing, of trust—for yourself.
Note: This blog post was originally published in 2018. While the specific experiences mentioned occurred at that time, the insights and reflections shared remain relevant and can be applied to current personal growth journeys.
